"Congratulations…. You are eligible to join AARP".
Society says I'm now officially a Senior. But I say, "I'm only 50 years old and I have just gotten used to the idea of Presbyopia." But the benefits of membership outweigh the admission, that am now on the slippery slope heading towards retirement.
So what the hell, I take the discounted 10-year membership. It's certainly inexpensive to join one of the largest lobbying groups in the U.S. With membership comes a monthly newsletter and a subscription to "Modern Maturity, a glossy magazine with articles of interest to "Seniors".
Something strange begins happening with my junk mail. No more seductive requests to join the "happening" people reading "Playboy". Now my mailbox becomes flooded with ads such as a smiling "Senior Couple" who recaptured marital bliss when the man began using the special herb to restore his "Vitality". While reading the ad I'm thinking those politically and socially inappropriate thoughts, "Forget the herbs, give me two thirty year old models instead of the sixty year old shown and watch my 'Vitality'." Disgusting thoughts for a 10- year AARP member!
The junk mail continues as time marches on. I see another happy couple moving on to a "New Way of Life". If one of us is 55, I can move into a gated community to keep me IN and any one with kids OUT. A really great place to live without the laughter of children. Of course our grandchildren can visit, but only for short period. If a family emergency requires them to live with us and go to school in our new home, then what? We promised the community no kids under 16 will be in residence. Time to find another " Way of Life"?
The junk mail keeps coming. I need additional Home Nursing Care Insurance for my significant other and myself. "Buy it while you're young for lower guaranteed premiums." You can't be a burden to your children. (Who says?) As Godfather Vito Coreleone said, " It's an offer you can't refuse".
More junk mail arrives. "Join our HMO." "Get our Supplementary Medicare Coverage''. "Prepay your burial plot". " Don't be a burden on society and waste space. Join the Neptune Society, be cremated and spread your ashes on the ocean."
All this crappy mail because I joined AARP! Am I sorry I joined? No! Are there advantages? You bet… SENIOR DISCOUNTS.
My first exposure to senior discounts was at the ticket booth at the entrance to the San Diego Zoo. I was attending a meeting and at my wife's urging to expand my horizons, I took the afternoon off to play tourist. Usually my professional drill was Airport to Hotel to meeting to Airport. I felt pretty good doing a non-Optometric thing. That is until the ticket taker looked at me and said, " You are eligible for a Senior Citizen Discount". Was AARP written on my face? I took the Discount and suddenly felt much older. I empathized with the old Gorilla staring out of his cage, ignored by the younger gorillas in the community.
After that I found Senior Discounts everywhere. Public transportation, movie entrance (but not on popcorn), hotels, car rentals, airline tickets and best of all free undergraduate education at Florida State Universities. As a typing matter of fact, I'm typing this article in a Senior Discounted Room at a Marriott Hotel. I received a Senior Discounted Airline ticket and Rented a Senior Discounted car to get here. All this courtesy of AARP and my ridiculously inexpensive annual membership.
Why should I be receiving these benefits? Does staying alive over 50 years entitle me to these discounts? In reality most folks over 50 are in better financial shape than younger people.
If the world was fair, there should be a Recent Graduate Discount, a Young Married Discount, a Family with Kids Discount and paying your Kids College Tuition Discount. These are the people who could use some help.
With that said do I accept the Senior Discount. Of course I do. I just wish a sensitive ticket attendant would ask me to present an ID to prove my age.
What is more worrisome to me is that the "Modern Maturity" magazine that arrives monthly now have articles that interest me more than what is in "Playboy". Oh boy… am I in trouble!
Society says I'm now officially a Senior. But I say, "I'm only 50 years old and I have just gotten used to the idea of Presbyopia." But the benefits of membership outweigh the admission, that am now on the slippery slope heading towards retirement.
So what the hell, I take the discounted 10-year membership. It's certainly inexpensive to join one of the largest lobbying groups in the U.S. With membership comes a monthly newsletter and a subscription to "Modern Maturity, a glossy magazine with articles of interest to "Seniors".
Something strange begins happening with my junk mail. No more seductive requests to join the "happening" people reading "Playboy". Now my mailbox becomes flooded with ads such as a smiling "Senior Couple" who recaptured marital bliss when the man began using the special herb to restore his "Vitality". While reading the ad I'm thinking those politically and socially inappropriate thoughts, "Forget the herbs, give me two thirty year old models instead of the sixty year old shown and watch my 'Vitality'." Disgusting thoughts for a 10- year AARP member!
The junk mail continues as time marches on. I see another happy couple moving on to a "New Way of Life". If one of us is 55, I can move into a gated community to keep me IN and any one with kids OUT. A really great place to live without the laughter of children. Of course our grandchildren can visit, but only for short period. If a family emergency requires them to live with us and go to school in our new home, then what? We promised the community no kids under 16 will be in residence. Time to find another " Way of Life"?
The junk mail keeps coming. I need additional Home Nursing Care Insurance for my significant other and myself. "Buy it while you're young for lower guaranteed premiums." You can't be a burden to your children. (Who says?) As Godfather Vito Coreleone said, " It's an offer you can't refuse".
More junk mail arrives. "Join our HMO." "Get our Supplementary Medicare Coverage''. "Prepay your burial plot". " Don't be a burden on society and waste space. Join the Neptune Society, be cremated and spread your ashes on the ocean."
All this crappy mail because I joined AARP! Am I sorry I joined? No! Are there advantages? You bet… SENIOR DISCOUNTS.
My first exposure to senior discounts was at the ticket booth at the entrance to the San Diego Zoo. I was attending a meeting and at my wife's urging to expand my horizons, I took the afternoon off to play tourist. Usually my professional drill was Airport to Hotel to meeting to Airport. I felt pretty good doing a non-Optometric thing. That is until the ticket taker looked at me and said, " You are eligible for a Senior Citizen Discount". Was AARP written on my face? I took the Discount and suddenly felt much older. I empathized with the old Gorilla staring out of his cage, ignored by the younger gorillas in the community.
After that I found Senior Discounts everywhere. Public transportation, movie entrance (but not on popcorn), hotels, car rentals, airline tickets and best of all free undergraduate education at Florida State Universities. As a typing matter of fact, I'm typing this article in a Senior Discounted Room at a Marriott Hotel. I received a Senior Discounted Airline ticket and Rented a Senior Discounted car to get here. All this courtesy of AARP and my ridiculously inexpensive annual membership.
Why should I be receiving these benefits? Does staying alive over 50 years entitle me to these discounts? In reality most folks over 50 are in better financial shape than younger people.
If the world was fair, there should be a Recent Graduate Discount, a Young Married Discount, a Family with Kids Discount and paying your Kids College Tuition Discount. These are the people who could use some help.
With that said do I accept the Senior Discount. Of course I do. I just wish a sensitive ticket attendant would ask me to present an ID to prove my age.
What is more worrisome to me is that the "Modern Maturity" magazine that arrives monthly now have articles that interest me more than what is in "Playboy". Oh boy… am I in trouble!
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